Modern Detention

One of my favorite films of all time is The Breakfast Club.

For those of you too young to know about it or too old that you forgot, it's about a group of teenagers with nothing in common who get Saturday detention for numerous reasons and form friendships because of their one day spent together.

John Hughes' film is funny, smart, poignant, and real. It takes place mostly in one large library the entire time. And Judd Nelson plays one of cinema's all time great rebels. It's the 1980s version of James Dean.

So as I sit in the DMV right now, I can't help but think of this arm pit of depression as detention for adults.

No one wants to be here. Not the drivers. Nor the workers. No one is smiling. No one is happy. And while there are lots of reasons we could be sharing in the misery of the DMV, most people are here to pay fees or clear up issues or deal with some small minute issue. No one is here because they won a prize and need to claim their winnings.

So this gets me thinking. There are lots of other modern forms of detention purgatory for adults:

Church - look around next time, there are a lot of people who don't want to be there. I love my church, but let's be honest, for those following the Pope, being Catholic means always having to say you're guilty.

Family BBQ's - see above.

Disneyland - This is mostly a father thing. I really don't see a lot of happy dads in the OC. But if you just spent $1,000 to wait in line all day for a three minute ride and overpriced fried food, you might be miserable too.

Work - if I have to explain this to you, then either you don't work or you work at Google.

But my favorite modern form of detention for adults is Driver's Training School. Especially Comedy Driver's Training School. I haven't been there for a few years, but I can remember the horrific 8 hour day.

For those who haven't gone through the torture of Driver's Traning School, let me explain.

It's usually ran by a 103 year old man named Simon, Saul or Claude. He sits on a stool for 8 hours asking people basic questions about drivng safety and showing bad Dateline NBC news specials about drunk driving.

Halfway through we get a one hour lunch. If you are late by a few minutes you are tossed out and asked to return another day. I once watched an argument get pretty heated.

Then at the end you get Claude or Saul or Simon to sign this stupid little form and then you don't have the ticket on your record. But the real joy of the day is realizing that you are among a group of idiots that give imbreeding a bad name. It's a bad group. And the comments they have and the questions they ask! Oh. My. God.

"Is it illegal to pee in your car in a bottle?"

"Is 75 miles per hour speeding if the limit is 65?"

"But my dog won't sit still unless he's on my lap."
    
"Can we leave an hour early? I got stuff to do."

"But the right of way should go to the person with the busiest schedule."

"So what if my license is expired, I'm not."

It's pure torture...
 
I always thought the Breakfast Club should have had a sequel. And it should take place at Driver's Training School on a Saturday. And their principal, Mr. Vernon, should teach the class to the same group who he had back when they were in high school.

Ya. I think that should happen...